‘I tried Elle Brooke’s daily Starbucks coffee order – it nearly killed me’

I was doom-scrolling on Instagram one day and saw that influencer-turned-boxer-turned-influencer-again Elle Brooke was doing a Q&A session and was asked what her favourite coffee order is.

And she admitted that it's a Starbucks Venti Black Americano with five (yes, five) sweeteners.

After Googling what “venti” meant, I thought I should try this out – and I very quickly regretted it.

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Years ago, when working in the charity sector, I was a gold member at Starbucks, but I switched to the dark side of Costa when the former became too expensive and the coffee became a bit . . . weird tasting.

Full disclosure, I am a coffee lover.

Growing up, I hated the stuff, but then I got married and my wife got me hooked on it.

I've lost count of the various brands I've tried over the years, and do have my favourites, although admittedly I am no James Hoffmann.

My normal order (at Costa . . . because I do enjoy being basic sometimes) is a coconut, salted caramel latte – and before anyone starts raging over the use of alternative milk, it's for medical reasons.

However, I'm all for giving things a go, so to Starbucks I went – cheers to the Village Hotel in Bury, Greater Manchester, for having a Starbucks inside it.

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Upon ordering the coffee, I was given a very wide-eyed “are you sure you want that much coffee?” warning.

It was at this point I really should have stopped, but then you wouldn't be reading this and I wouldn't have been occupying myself with writing content at work.

Having grabbed my huge barrel-sized cup of black doom, I added the mad amount of sweeteners and watched as it lay on top like a strange pile of Class A drugs.

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Well, it was time for the first sip, which is when I was left with the following question I really want Elle Brooke to answer: “How on earth can you function with that much chaos inside your mouth?”

The four shots of coffee that come inside the drink sucked all forms of hydration from within my mouth, while the massive amount of sweeteners gave me the most horrific taste of fake sugar I've ever experienced.

This was not a party in my mouth – it was very much a nightmare where you're forced to listen to the Cheeky Girls playing on the main stage at some kind of music festival created in the fiery pits of Satan's garden of death.

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I had around ¼ of the cup before my body and brain started acting on instinct and stopped me from putting any more of the demon liquid into my mouth.

As I said at the start, I appreciate good coffee . . . but this was not it and Elle Brooke should be ashamed of herself for unleashing such chaos into the world.

Costa Coffee, I'm sorry I cheated on you.

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